Daniel Coleman

Born

2011-05-26

Biography

Daniel “Bones” Coleman claims he is a British actor, however we all know he’s from India. Daniel is widely regarded as the most liked actor of all time and bases all his acting performances of the films he deems cinematic masterpieces, such as The Fog and The Great Flood. Throughout his lifetime, Daniel has had several love interests in all seven genders (men, women, non-binaries, turnips, radishes, refrigerators and daffodils). You will be able to tell when Daniel is attracted to a life form as his voice becomes soft and cute compared to his real deep, booming voice which dominates conversations and scares children away (Daniel doesn’t want to scare children, however, he is passionate about them). Daniel hopes to prove himself better than Hugh Grant in his performance in Ilyas Sheikh’s upcoming debut “FORKS”. He also intends to act in several more films after FORKS, as he is occasionally chased by Christopher Nolan who pleads for Daniel to star in one of his films. Daniel was meant to be the main star of Inception (2010) however he wasn’t born on time. After FORKS’ production, Daniel hopes to either act in Barbie 2, as Bony Barbie, or return to his day job as Head of Beans Distribution at Sainsbury’s. An alternative would be to strive towards his lifetime aspiration as assistant scaffolder. The only negative feedback received to Daniel Coleman was from his ex-daffodil wife, Sujeeta, who claimed Daniel occasionally denied to show his basement to her and she believes he had hidden several carrots, who he was supposedly having an affair with, hence the break up between Coleman and Sujeeta. Daniel’s most famous quote comes from a video of him in primary school where he profoundly said: “No Jessica, I do not smell of cheese.” This quote has been interpreted in several ways, one main way has been how God is omnipotent and allows suffering to exist to provide Christians with chances to focus on their hair-care routines. Talking of hair care routines, to receive the optimal Dorito hair line, Daniel applies three handfuls of chilli powder and just a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down, the medicine go down, the medicine go down, just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, in the most delightful way. When Daniel gets bored, he occasionally slips into pyjamas to start the FIFA grind and nibbles on his toenails to enhance his nutrient levels to maximum. Daniel’s turnip-in-law, Rǎķǒsh, said Daniel inspires little kids every day to be the best men they can. If Daniel ever dies, he agrees to give all his money and children to Ilyas Sheikh due to Ilyas being said to be (as quoted by Daniel Coleman:) “The most beautiful boy in the planet of Neptune.” I will leave you with a final quote from Daniel, in which he stated that “all goodness is a gift from God, all toenails are a gift from Krishna and go forth and multiply in fruitful forms.” This quote has been modified and used in several texts, such as The Bible Part 2: Jesus’ revenge.